181 pounds

I had hoped, as March turned to April, to be down at 171 but I have rested at 181. Which, even though it falls way short of my goals, it is progress. I have taken a break from the food diary and have been focusing on each meal - each choice - I make. I've been walking more. I've pushed myself to do cardio, real, get-sweaty-and-not-just-for-five-minutes-cardio. I purchased the biggest loser last-chance workout yesterday, and as soon as the muscles in my calves and shins feel better I'm going to pop it in and push myself hard.

Because, believe it or not, even with a sore butt, thighs, hips, abs, back, shoulders and neck, I feel great. I feel strong and, though not completely in shape, I feel healthy.

I've only had Taco Bell once in the past 2 weeks.

And I've been sick. Even now, as I type this, I can't breathe through my nose 100%, my throat feels dry and scratchy and I'm tired even though I got 8 hours of sleep last night.

I had a chicken-salad sandwich for lunch, made on whole wheat with a little mustard and chipotle Tabasco. With it I had a peanut butter granola bar and a cup of Goji-Raspberry green tea sweetened with two tablespoons sugar and a splash of milk.

I haven't done any physical exercise besides housework today. I had wanted to take a walk with my baby but his Grandparents arrived home and I let them take him to play. Dinner is soon but I don't know what it is.

I must confess, secretly, that I am a little jealous of my older sister. She just had a baby three weeks ago and although she has been overweight all her life, she now weighs less than I do.

Granted, she smokes and LOST weight during her pregnancy - both super horrible things to do. The smoking alone can cause so many health problems and I wish she would quit. But anyway. None of her clothes fit. She bought herself new jeans - size 9. I haven't been a size nine since I was a freshman. Grrr. Why do I let this bother me so much? Maybe it's because she has decided to gloat about it. Maybe it's because she didn't have to work for it. Either way, it just bugs me.

But, in a way, she has motivated me to get my butt back down to the size 9 it used to be. I felt really good about myself at that weight.

More later. I can't wait to try out the biggest loser dvd.