A lot to say...

I hate going so long without writing but I was feeling pretty down for a few weeks there.

Neither Stewart Title nor Willows Boutique called me back after my interviews with them. I had another interview for a sales position at Macy's which went REALLY well until the end when I embellished the truth a tad and she pointed out that what I said was, in fact, discrimination on their part, and I didn't try to back track at all, which I should have.

But... It's all right. Turns out, an opportunity presented itself right when I was feeling defeated.

Olivia, my younger sister, had a complete falling-out with her ex-boyfriend (the father of her children) and she desparately needed someone to care for them nearly full-time. So now I am staying home with my son, earning some income and spending more time with my neice and nephew who I had only seen a handful of times in the past 9 or 10 months.

I'm not going to lie, it's been a challenge to get my son to adjust to having my attention divided among more kids, but it's also been good for him to play with a boy his own age on a regular basis. And like I said before, I'm glad I can earn some money while also staying home to raise my baby boy. That was the most heart-breaking part about a job for myself -- spending a lot of time each week away from him. And Matt's going back to school next week so that would be time where both his parents aren't with him. Even though watching all the kids has tried my patience, it's pretty much the best option for me, in my opinion.

In other news, I've been working on my family tree, and at this point, my pedigree is complete back to my great-great-great grandparents (and ALL 32 of my great-great-great-great grandparents too!) and the tree goes back to the late 1500s, to my 12th great grandparents. I've been working on Matt's part of the tree, so that our son can have a completed pedigree too. I'm going through looking for pictures of their gravestones to add to their entries.

Also, my son turned two years old last week! He's such an amazing little boy, and I can still clearly remember the day he was born. It's scary for me to think about the future. Eventually, my son's going to talk more, learn to use a toilet, learn to play sports, and swim and sing his ABC's. Even farther down the road, he'll learn to read and write, play an instrument, eventually go to college, meet the love of his life and possibly give me a grandchild someday! Holy crap that's such a crazy thought it doesn't even seem like a remote possibility. I'm going to step away from the subject, because it gives me butterflies and brings tears to my eyes.

Right now I'm watching the season premiere of Biggest Loser. I made the decision yesterday to do a little exercise, then today I weighed myself for the first time in two months, and to top it off the new season started without my knowledge that there was even going to be a new one before the end of the year. Two of these things together would just be a coincidence, but all three together is the universe's way of giving me a sign, I think.

Like I said, I weighed myself this morning. Because I haven't really been giving a flying rat's booty about eating right, cardio, strength training, calorie counting or any of that, I half-expected the scale to tell me I was back up in the one-seventies. It's basically the reason why I stayed away from the scale so long -- I was afraid it would tell me the truth, that I had regained more than I thought.

Well, imagine my surprise when I stepped on to discover I had only gained 0.9 pounds! That's a tenth of a pound every week! And, even though that adds up to 5 and a half pounds over a year, it means I've only been consuming 50 extra calories per day. That's pretty close to the amount of food I should be eating to maintain my weight.

On the other hand though, I feel like I've wasted two months just... not caring. Like if I had just spent 15 mins each day doing some cardio or weights, then stretching and eating a little more mindfully, I could easily have lost up to five pounds in that time. EASY.

But! I have started anew and I plan to keep on it through the end of the year. I started fresh by rearranging my living area today. I like the layout a lot better. Jamison (and Gordon) have different areas to play, a book corner, a full table to work at, lots of toys and more space, since I was able to create better storage areas for our boxes and things.

I'm generally wiped after a day of watching all the children, and after they are gone, it's usually too late for me to take a shower so I avoid doing things that get me really sweaty. Today was great because I was cleaning and pushing furniture around and generally worked my butt off, but I ate over a cup of chocolate frozen yogurt so I think I more than cancelled it out.

Here are my new goals: get down under 165 before Halloween. (Totally doable. I am 165.5 as I type this). I would actually like to be closer to 160 for my mom's student show at the end of the month, and then 155 for the belly dance competition in November.

More interviews...

Over the weekend I had my first brush with fame. My mom's fifth-Saturday show/potluck this month wasn't as well-attended as the last, but we had a decent showing. Candice, my mother's long-time friend and self-declared "twin" arrived with her husband and two other people I didn't recognize. She has four boys that are grown, so I figured it was one of them plus his wife.

Come to find out, it was actually Project Runway Season 7 WINNER, Seth Aaron Henderson! He went to school with Candice's boys and he's been a family friend of theirs ever since. They had spent nearly all day out on the river, and she somehow convinced him and his wife to attend the show!


So I danced for Seth Aaron. And I hope he was impressed.


Wasn't feeling too body-confident that weekend. I feel like I've lost a lot of muscle-tone, and it makes me look flabbier than I am. I just lack the motivation to keep up the exercise. I love it, but I feel like I'm in a major funk. I'm hoping getting my professional life together will jumpstart the rest of my life.


And I definitely have some good news on that front.


I got a call from an unknown number at 6 o'clock Friday evening, which turned out to be from the title company I had applied to the previous day. The only number she gave me was the main line and the office was closed all weekend, so I didn't hear back after I left a message Saturday morning.


The same day I applied for the job at the hotel (the one that I, unfortunately, didn't get), I applied for a job as a sales associate for a boutique in downtown Vancouver. I knew right away which boutique the ad was talking about (Willows) and thought I'd be a pretty good fit -- if I have to go back into retail to get a secure paycheck, that would be the kind of place I'd like to work. I had given up on this job two weeks ago, because I never heard back. Well, last Sunday I got a call in the evening from the owner, Shandy. I called back the next day around two (after about two hours of deliberation and self-kicking) and set up an interview for four o'clock. Talk about short notice!


On the way to the store I got a call back from Stewart Title. I missed the call by a minute! So I hopped out of the car and used my extra couple of minutes to call her back. I set up an interview for the next day (today). Then I walked to my interview with Shandy! I was still a few minutes early and had to wait a while for the owner and her daughter to have a moment to spare, but once they did, we were talking about everything from my son and my mother's grandchildren, to my hobbies and interests, my background at Target and my ability to deliver customer service.


I mentioned my brush with Seth Aaron, and her face lit up! She pointed out that she carried his line BEFORE he was on the show, and to top it all off, her daughter was on the phone with him right that minute! They had just sold a huge order of his t-shirts and needed more merchandise and shipment information. That was the reason I had to wait for them to start the interview!


Overall, it went wonderfully. I've got the experience, and I have the friendly, helpful personality. They didn't discuss wage, but the hours would be weekends, and a few days out of the week, for a total of about 30 hours per week. My issue would be the weekends, because I have troupe on Sundays, but at this point I need a job more than I need to be at troupe every weekend.


The interview I had today was for the receptionist position at Stewart Title. I think about this interview and my heart starts pumping. I want it bad. It's 40 hours per week (8 - 5) at ten dollars per hour. It's in downtown Vancouver (only ONE bus to take!!!), and it's a job I could DO and be GOOD at.


She seemed to like me. I'm concerned that I didn't sell my personality enough though. She said being outgoing was an important aspect, but when asked me if that sounded like me, I talked about being goal-oriented, which, even as I type that seems like I skirted that issue. I wish I had talked up how I'm naturally shy but work hard to be sincerely sociable and friendly. I'm absolutely kicking myself about it, but if it costs me the position so be it. Learning experience.


But I'm not admitting defeat until I'm for certain defeated. Not my style.


If my wildest dream comes true and I get offered BOTH jobs, I'd have to go with Stewart Title., simply because the hours are better, but it hurts my heart to think about turning them down. They already feel like family at that boutique and I'm sure I'd love it there, but I just see myself fitting in better in an office situation. And they'd have to pay me over 13 dollars an hour to make the money I'd make there.


I really don't want to jinx myself, though. Most likely, I won't be offered either job. There are LOTS of fish in this employ-me pool. I would be foolish to think they couldn't find someone better than me to do the job.


I'm feeling kinda choked up about it right now. There's only so much I can do to make myself look like an asset to their team! Plus, if I can get interviews out of these opportunities, I can certainly find more...

But for now it's a waiting game. Stand-by!

I didn't get the job :(

The short of it is, on Thursday afternoon I recieved an email saying they chose their second interview candidates, and they wished me the best of luck in my job search.

Well, awesome. I nearly started crying, just from the release of stress about it all, but I managed to hold it together and I'm doing fine now.

We took a two-hour long, 4.5 mile hike through the trails near our house and it was beautiful! There were thick woods, open-areas, a creek and unpaved walkways throughout. Matt wore our son on his back and we trekked much farther than I thought we would. We've decided that, next time we go, we will skip the northern part of the trail and head south right away, so we can explore further toward the park down there. It doesn't loop around perfectly, but from what I've read it's a fun hike.


Also... I'm back on the weight-loss train! Besides the splurged dinner plus ice cream last night, I've eaten pretty healthfully. I'd really like to be at 160 by Jamison's second birthday, and as long as I stay on track and exercise I know I can easily do it, perhaps even surpass it!

Back on the topic of the job search, I've got another interview Thursday at the YMCA. I'm not too confident about the position, because on their site they say they want people with 2 years previous experience in a liscensed care facility, which I don't have. In my defense, though, the Craigslist ad said nothing about formal training/etc. I've got about 8 years of childcare and babysitting under my belt, and I would really like to go into Early Childhood Education.

But I don't see how you get INTO a liscensed place if you need experience first. Well, if nothing else it'll be even MORE interview (and rejection) experience... and I could use more of that.

I also may have an interview at a printing store in Portland. The only problem there is that the ad was looking for someone with a valid drivers liscense... and I must've not seen that part because I applied anyway. Great.

But! I feel confident that I could pass the driving test given a couple days of practice... unfortunately my permit expired in April and it costs money to renew it... :/

*SIGH*

It's like, if I could just find a job everything would be so much better. I could start repaying some of my loans and bills... I could get my wisdom teeth pulled, I could go back to school for an even BETTER job! Then we could save for our own vehicle and eventually move into our own place... we could get married!

And it all starts with a job...any job.

More later.

It's been a while, I apologize

I'd like to be able to say here that I stuck to my diet, and continued to lose weight over these past few weeks, but that didn't happen... I've gained about 2 pounds back and I'm not doing too much to reach my goal of 155 by September either.

I feel like I'm in a major funk. I don't feel like exercising, I crave carbs and sugar... I sit around on the internet for the majority of the day and I wait until I absolutely HAVE to get up to get out of bed.

I'm thinking I may have very mild depression. I felt very similar to this while I was up in Seattle. I don't care to do anything fun, but it's not so bad that I neglect other duties in my life.

I didn't get that job Olivia had tried to set up for me. It went to a girl who already worked at the store.

A couple good things have happened though. Matt got a few unemployment checks, so we haven't gone under quite yet... unfortunately he quit applying for benefits so we won't get anymore checks. He did get accepted to PCC and will restart the EMT program, which is better than Clark's program becuase it will go from Basic to Intermediate and then he can apply to the paramedic program afterward. Here in Vancouver, you have to have one year of EMT-B experience before you can move up, but there are no jobs for EMT-B's in this economy - the ambulance services cut back employments so they are only taking paramedics.

Also, I've started applying for just about every job I'm qualified for on Craigslist, and last week I got a hit! They invited me back for a job-fair open-house interview thing. There were twenty of us there and we were all competing for two front desk jobs at their hotel.

I had originally applied to the ad because whoever wrote it seemed really cool -- it wasn't stuffy and I actually laughed when I read it! They wanted a cover letter that was "fun or even funny" because their staff like to have fun and it was such a breath of fresh air to not draft a formal CV. What was even better was recieving the invite to the open house. It gets frustrating to send out so many resumes and not recieve even a "thank-you but...".

So I prepared for the interview by doing some research on the hotel and was pleasantly surprised -- I expected a place very much like the others: a sterile, hospital-like big-box hotel like so many I've stayed in. Instead, I found a bright and colorful inn smack dab in the center of a bustling part of Portland - it was pure Portland: orange walls, local art, jars of candy all over the lobby, the funkiest carpet I've ever seen, and every room is a suite with a kitchen and stove. I WANT this job. I don't care how far away from home it is, I want to work there more than anything else.

So yesterday was the big day. I took a total of three buses and a max to get to the hotel, which took me two hours. In a car on a clear-traffic day, it's only 12 miles and a 20 minute drive. I got to the hotel with about ten minutes to go and sat in the lobby with about twenty other hopefuls. They set out some refreshments and I got a cup of diet Coke along with a couple Ritz crackers, a piece of salami and some cheese. Then Denise, the General Manager came in with her crew and positioned themselves around the room and the masses swarmed. I decided to wait a little while before meeting any of them. It seemed like too many of the people were jumping down their throats, and they seemed more the laid-back type of group so I sat and observed for the first twenty minutes.

There was a couple of points at which I felt like this was a waste of my time - that I wasn't even in the running for this job. But then I actually talked to one of the other candidates and she was really cool (though she smelled sweaty... poor thing) and then talked as a group with the front desk guy Tim, who was really fun. At that point, I saw a spot open up to talk to Brandon, the Front Desk Lead and it had been over an hour since the interviews started so I decided I should take the opportunity to sit with him. Tim had told everyone that Brandon was a brownie-hoarder, so I told him that as part of our small-talk and he said his true weakness was cookies. Well, I make MEAN chocolate-chip cookies from scratch and didn't hesitate to tell him so. He wrote that down on his notepad next to my name. Then we got into the the basics - my work history, customer service experience, whether I knew the area, my availability etc. He talked about the same amount of time that I did, about the duties and the guests and how great the staff are. It was short and sweet, which was perfect for me -- I had seen so many people talking these guys' ears off - over ten minutes each, and they were forcing their way onto all four of them!

I was really hoping to come across as humble, friendly and willing to work hard, not aggressive and pushy and overqualified like some of the others came across to me.

Anyway I came back into the room and the front desk manager Angela was free to talk to so I mosied on over to sit with her. She was so nice, but she was also a much better interviewer than Brandon -- more structured for sure. She asked what brought me to the hotel besides the job interview (...uh... that's the only reason, but I love the hotel!) and then asked me, if I were to describe the hotel to someone, what would I say? (Hmm... very colorful, like retro funk threw up all over the place, awesome lobby, great personnel, it feels like home instead of a hospital, it's right next to the trendiest area full of shops and restaurants to explore, plus it's on the streetcar line which takes you through all of downtown Portland and connects to MAX and other buslines so all of the city is accessible..) she loved my last line, "If you're looking to experience what Portland is all about, this is the place to stay." Then she went through the basics that Brandon had touched on, customer service experience, availibility, plans to go back to school, etc. She said the people they're losing were some of their best -- big shoes to fill.

I could fill those shoes. I've got the drive, and I'm willing to learn! And I think she saw that -- at the end of our talk she said they'd be calling people back within a week and she told me that I'll be recieving a call.

OMG REALLY!???!?! I sincerely hope it wasn't just something they tell everyone. I really hope she was genuine and, having interviewed a lot of people before me, meant what she said. I thanked her warmly as I got up, and, with that as my high point, I went to the bathroom and walked out. I had considered possibly speaking to Denise as well, but there looked to be a line of people waiting their turn and it was nearly six so I left.

I'm wondering if I should send a thank-you note to the people I interviewed with. I have their email addresses, and something short and sweet would keep me in their mind, yes? Might as well give it a shot...okay. Thank-you notes sent!

I wish I could've done more, but it's in their hands now. If nothing else it gave me some interview experience. But until I know for sure, I'm going to continue to prepare as if the job is already mine. Gotta learn more about the hotel and the surrounding neighborhood, and practice other interview questions that may come up.

Anyway, after I left the hotel I took the bus back to the MAX, but was unsure where to get off. I made my best guess then headed toward where I thought the station would be but over-shot it by a block. I ended up at the Roseland theater and had to walk north one block. Well, I passed by a small group of black people, most of whom were sitting on a bench but one LARGE women who looked like a prostitute was standing. I had my iPod on almost full blast and was lip-synching as I passed them, but could feel their eyes on me. Suddenly the lady starts YELLING at me. Like, FULL volume. She called me a bitch or some such, then told me in black-girl slang that I need my skirt shorter, and my pumps with the flowers do not match my shirt. When I kept walking away, not acknowledging her in anyway, she yelled "babygirl!" at my back, and said I could "learn a thing or two" from her...

Fashion advice from a prostitute? Laughable.

Anyway, it's taken me six hours to write this entire post, and I'd like to wrap up by saying this won't be the end if I get rejected. I've promised to find a job this month and I intend to do it. Not only do we need the financial support of atleast one income, Matt's chances of getting a job to conform to his school schedule this fall is slim...

I'll write again soon, count on it.

Huge surprise!

Can't hardly believe it, but I've lost 2.2 pounds in 11 days! And that was after I lost nearly a pound for the student show!

The Wii has me weighing at 165.6, very very close to a BMI of 25, which is considered healthy! I'm gonna tell you a secret, promise not to judge me?

I haven't recorded an ounce of food, I have barely exercised, and I'm at the tail-end of my period. I've spent handfuls of hours lazing around reading, and watching TV and just generally not caring about my health.

To my credit, I have been avoiding fast food, I drink plenty of water, I'm making sure I get more fruits and veggies, and I haven't stuffed myself. My portions are more reasonable. To my discredit, I haven't avoided sugary desserts (like cookies, and brownies, hot cocoa, coffee, candy bars, chocolate chips, etc.) but I don't binge on them daily - they're a treat more than anything.

I watched an interesting documentary about diet and learned that the lipid hypothesis (the belief that fats make you fat, that saturated fats raise your cholesterol, that vegetable oils are healthier than butter for cooking, and on and on) is a bunch of hooey that agricultural businesses came up with. The film basically said that the health problems of Americans have skyrocketed in the past 50 years or so not due to a boom in fast food, but due to all the misinformation about nutrition. Because it all sounds like a huge conspiracy theory, I'm really thinking about starting my own research into this documentary's claims. If for nothing else that to learn more about nutrition in its own right.

In more personal news, Matt and I are at the point in his unemployment where we are really beginning to feel it. Luckily, we pay only $200 per month for room and board, and we've slowed down our spending tremendously, but there are expenses we haven't cut, and it has become very evident that we need an income, quick. My sister Olivia told me about an opening at her job. She works in the deli of a grocery store and told me to apply for a position in the bakery. I then called the human resources department, which I've never done before ever, but Olivia told me to, and am now waiting for a call back. She said both her friends that she recommended for jobs that did what she told them to do got hired, so I'm really hoping the same goes for me.

Unfortunately, waiting is a bitch, pardon my French. It's been a week since I applied and called for the job. Olivia told me to have patience, her friend Rachel didn't get the call until 2 weeks later. When I told her that was so long, she pointed out that she DID get hired though. I had to concede... I guess it's better to receive a call two weeks later and get the job than it is to receive a call the next day and be told you aren't what they're looking for.

Still, I don't like waiting. We need income now, and Matt isn't really looking as hard as he could, plus we haven't received ANY unemployment checks because of all the problems with his paperwork, he had issues claiming for the first five weeks or so, and now they are denying him benefits because they believe he is a full-time student, which he is not.

I swear, if it had been MY unemployment benefits I would have done everything 100% perfect, but he just assumed the whole thing would be a piece of cake - he didn't read anything they sent him, he waits until the very last minute to send the forms and letters in, and then he gets angry when it doesn't all fall in his lap.

It's very frustrating, to say the least. Hopefully, I get this job, Matt's mom doesn't freak out about me having a job but her son still being unemployed. I haven't even told them I have this job possibility, mainly because I don't want them asking annoying questions about it.

This economy is tough. Matt and I both thought he would be right back out there working, and that if we had to I could get a retail job easily. Unfortunately, there is a large hiring pool for employers to choose from, so they seem to be very picky about who they hire.

It'll turn around for us. And then I can start saving to pay off past student loans and possibly start going back to school. More later.

I've been bad...

I haven't blogged in over a week, and that's because I haven't kept track of my food intake and I haven't been exercising.

At all. Blahhhhh.

But! I have picked my butt up and decided today is the day I jump back into it. I just finished doing a 50 minute Zumba routine. I'm going to record everything I eat from here on out, and my goal is to not skip anything all Summer!

The main motivator for this change was my performance this Saturday. It'll be my first solo in years - my last solo being the Vegas competition back in July of 2009 when I was seven months pregnant (and won third place out of ten dancers!!!). Anyway, I want to look good for all of my mom's students and the other people that will be there. I don't know what I'm going to wear but I do know what I'm going to dance to.

I feel like I probably gained a lot, and I constantly feel tired and sluggish. It really seems like a bad cycle - you skip a few days and then you start the ball rolling. You start to enjoy just sitting around watching hours of TV, and you procrastinate starting again. You stop logging meals because you're avoiding the truth and don't want to be reminded that you've fallen off the horse.

I haven't finished C25K yet... I've had one more week to go for a whole month now. I'd like to blame it on something but the simple truth is I've been avoiding it. I tend to shy away from my goal right as I stare it in it's nearly-completed face.

I plan to weigh myself tomorrow and my goal is to lose at least a pound before this weekend. Off to shower!

Went shopping today...

I needed a trip to the mall with my bestie - we took two buses and talked tons, she bought me my first ever bubble tea, which was delicious but just seemed like a cup of sugar-water, then I turned in some library books and we went to JC Penny. There, I tried on a couple pairs of jeans to discover I fit into size 12s nearly perfectly! The fourteens were too big! Unfortunately, I didn't have the cash to lay out 19.99 on one pair of jeans that might not fit at the end of the summer. But being a size 12 means there are MANY more options for me at discount stores! So we stopped off at Subway to have lunch and then to Ross. I tried on a size 12 pair of cheap jeans but they were way too long so I instead I bought a pair of bright pink cloth capri pants that have a drawstring thinking I'll be able to wear them all summer. They make my butt look really cute and they were only 7 dollars so I consider that purchase to be a success. I also got a new bra, just a basic beige t-shirt style. My bras are starting to wear out... the underwire pokes through, and the elastic is really starting to go slack. I only have two bras plus my sports bra that I can wear and feel comfortable in. Well - now I have one more.

I ate pretty terribly today, and didn't weigh myself, but yesterday when I fired up Wii Fit it said I weigh 168.9! Another pound gone, which I hope I didn't pick back up today but I walked A LOT so I hope that evens some of it out.

All in all, I spent 3.50 for the bus ride, 7 for the pants, 5 for the bra and 2.70 for lunch. Less that twenty bucks for a wonderful day out and about with my favorite girl :)

Tomorrow I'm babysitting for my sister and not going to troupe. (Hey! I would much rather EARN 20 bucks than SPEND 6.50 taking buses from here to downtown portland and back!) I suppose I could make up for the exercise loss by taking my Zumba DVDs and work out with the kids if they want. I'm debating whether or not to take Jamison over with me. Maybe I'll have Matt bring him over later in the day to play.

So all-in-all, today was excellent. I got a bunch of laundry folded and put away...

More later.