It's amazing what you can do...

...when you finally put your mind to DOING it. I honestly cannot think of a reason why I didn't just DO this last year, why I spent so much time fretting about food or being able to find time to exercise.

It isn't hard. When you're overweight, the only thing that's truly difficult is controlling your portion sizes and going without sugary drinks.

Seriously, it's all in the calorie count. And it's very simple. Find a calorie calculator that will show you how many calories you need to eat each day (I like this one). Me, I shouldn't eat more than 1200 calories per day if I want to reach 165 lbs by mid-March.

When you're used to consuming twice that amount in one day, this does seem like starving yourself. But you're not. You're retraining your stomach to feel full with NORMAL portion sizes in it.

And if you're serious about losing the weight, it doesn't even seem like a punishment.

Case-in-point: On January 1 of this year, when I made my resolution, I weighed 191 on Wii Fit.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm around 7 pounds lighter. Boo. YAH.

Matt needs the computer so he can study but I'll write more soon.

Family Christmas!

Our family decided a few years ago to give up trying to do everyone's Christmas plans ON Christmas day, because all us sisters were trying to be with each other AND with our boyfriend's/husband's (respective) families all within 12 hours. Add in the children and the holiday seemed more like 12 hours of hell than a nice relaxing and fun day.

So we decided we could live with have two Christmas Days. The 25th apart, and another day during January when we could all get together and exchange gifts and eat finger foods.

That day, this year, was yesterday. We went to out mom's studio, because that was the only place big enough, really. I won't go into the details or list all the gifts given, because it doesn't actually relate to my blog. What is relevant is what I put in my mouth and what kind of exercising I did.

Needless to say, I ate a lot of junk. Atleast, it really FELT like I ate a lot of junk. That night, when I wrote everything down, I realized that I hadn't had a ridiculous amount.

A handful of crackers, a couple small bites of cheese, a small slice of salami, a couple small slices of turkey, two apple slices (no caramel dipping sauce!) and one two-inch piece of Rice Krispies treats, homemade. Add in a big diet Dr. Pepper and the calorie count isn't sky-high.

However, earlier that day I had an entire Costco Poppy Seed muffin to myself, and later that night I ate a Fast Break candy bar. That is most likely what pushed my calorie count over, but I'm making up for it today. For breakfast I had one egg cooked over-medium on top of a plain, whole-wheat english muffin. 200 calories and I'm still satisfied even though it's been a couple of hours since I ate.

I read around the internet that drinking 16 oz of water around 10-15 minutes before eating has been proven to help you eat less calories and, subsequently, lose more weight if you're trying to slim down. Because your stomach already has water in it, there will be less room for food. Your brain will receive "I'm full!" signals from your stomach after eating less that you would if you started chowing down with empty tanks.

That being said, I'm definitely going to start trying this, starting tonight at dinner, and at restaurants too. It's easy to order water along with your regular drink, and it doesn't cost any extra! In fact, you could save a lot of money if you replaced all your drinks with water (as long as it isn't bottled!). No more buying 4-dollar fancy coffee drinks from Starbucks, no more soda, cut out sugary "juice" drinks, etc. You'll save around 150 calories per 8 oz (depending on the drink), and after replacing a weeks worth of drinks (about 25) you'll have lost a pound! (In other words, you'll have cut out 3500 calories.) I have a really nice water bottle I use and I try to keep it full all day, I find that I drink atleast one full bottle (24 ounces) in a day, usually two, and a full bottle for every workout I do.

Speaking of workouts I completed week 4 of the 10 Pound Slimdown program! And I did all the workouts for this week on the day the calendar said to, and I didn't skip ANY! Go me! Monday and Tuesday are the last two days of the 30-day program, so I think I'll just go back to day 1 and start the whole thing over. I've lost 5 pounds! I'm loving my arms, and if I flex my calf muscles I can see definition starting to come out there too!

Also good news: the pants I bought a few days before Christmas last year (which were a size 16. UGH!) are a little loose! They didn't fit in the waist to begin with (I have to fit pants to my widest part: hips and butt!) but now they don't stay up at all! Also, both pairs of my old maternity jeans are officially falling apart and cannot be worn anymore, which couldn't come at a better time, because I'm finally shrinking!

I just stepped away from the computer to try on my old size 11 jeans, and I could only pull one of them up all the way. Even if I could wear them, I don't know if I would considering the shape they're in. Once I get down to my goal weight I think I'll throw them all away. I may keep my favorite pair, but the others need to go. I'm only keeping them now to use as a means of tracking my progress. Once I look good in my old jeans, I'll know I did it.

And, having really started to see changes, I'll definitely be keeping it up. It's just a matter of deciding to DO it, and to give it your all.

And, apparently, splurging a tiny bit on special occasions.

Next special occasion: MY BIRTHDAY! I'll be turning 21!
But no crazy drinking binge for me. If I wasn't a mom I'd probably resign myself to getting drunk but I'd rather have a nice dinner with my fiance and go see a good movie, and maybe stop somewhere for a drink. Nothing fancy.

Update on the Resolutions

These first two weeks of 2011 have had a few ups and downs, for sure!

I've implemented a lot of the resolutions I set out to achieve and I have been seeing big differences already.

With Matthew, we definitely don't have as many negative interaction. I go out of my way frequently to do nice things for him and I head off arguments by taking care of the things that trigger mean words.

Like keeping our place clean. It's not hard, but it goes undone sometimes and then we both get frustrated, because we both feel the other person is not doing their part. At the moment, I'm a tad behind on the cleaning because I had a lot going on yesterday and our schedule was a bit wayward. Today is the same, but I plan to do pick up once I get home from the studio tonight.

One awesome thing that happened over the weekend is that the Tiger Lilies (my mother's dance troupe) participated in a call-in to secure a spot at one of the biggest belly dance festivals on the west coast and it only took us 20 minutes to get through! We officially have a dance spot and we are going to California on March 11.

That gives me two months to lose a couple pounds. My goal is to be at 165 by that time, which I know is pretty steep but I've made up my mind to do as much as I can to get as close as I can.

Since Jan 1, I've written down everything I've put in my mouth, at what time, and I wrote how I felt after eating. I haven't started to count the calories because I wanted to start listening to my body and eat only when I'm truly hungry, and stop eating when I'm full. I've cut out extraneous snacking, I've scaled back portions, and I allow myself a couple extra bites only occasionally.

Also, I've been following the 10 Pound Slimdown program and the videos are getting easier, I'm almost able to do all the high-impact cardio and strength moves and I only sometimes modify or go slower than tempo.

Together, these changes have made a big difference. For the first time, the bathroom scale I use at my mom's studio has finally budged.

I've lost nearly five pounds! I almost couldn't believe it, considering I had eaten almost a whole burrito from Chipotle not two hours prior to weighing myself - but it's true! According to that scale I'm at 185.5. Considering I had been holding steady at 190 between Halloween and New Years Eve last year, that's pretty damn impressive to me!

I wish I had before and after pictures of my arms, because they are looking more and more toned each week, and I can finally feel my calf muscles again!

All this makes me believe that, if I keep it up, I could possibly lose 15 more pounds. But I'll have to really watch calorie intake/output, eliminate liquid calories, up my cardio, and eat more vegetables.

Totally doable, I think. It'll take willpower, definitely, but if I want this I should just DO it. No excuses. Because the scale and the clothes don't lie, so if I want results I'm going to put in the effort.

2011 New Year's Resolutions!

Happy 2011 everyone! Don't you just love New Year's Day? It's like the first, unmarked page in a new journal or sketch pad - full of opportunities and possibilities, waiting for you to fill with marks and words and... well, LIFE!

It's also the first day to implement those resolutions... and I have a list of my own I'd like to share with you.

I'd like my relationship with Matthew to have more romance, more fun, more spontaneity and more sex.

I'd like to spend at least one hour each day playing with my son one-on-one without the TV, computer, iPod or cell phone on.

I'd like to lose atleast 40 pounds. I want to fit a size 11 pair of jeans again.

I'd like to blog/journal/write more often. I'd also like to crochet more items and possibly sell them.

I'd like to complete the C25K program, and also the Bridge to 10K program as well.

I'd like to compete in, and at least place in, a bellydance competition this year.

I'd like our house to stay clean - I'd like to pick up daily, do a full-clean once a week and a top-to-bottom deep clean once a month.

I'd like to begin getting our finances in order so that we may move into our own apartment by the end of 2012 (hopefully much sooner).

I have already written these goals down and have started outlining the details so that I may be successful in reaching them.

I know they are all doable. I know I have it in me to complete the little daily tasks that will make this year the best yet.

Failure is just life giving you feedback

So as soon as I hit "publish post" on that last blog entry I sought help from (where else?) the internet.

And I learned a few things.

Number one: Plato is quoted with these words of wisdom, "The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile."

Now, I have no clue how I am to both conquer myself while avoid being conquered by myself, but the words resonate in me somehow. Like, I shouldn't let myself defeat myself. Something along those lines...

Next, I learned there are three ways to deal with failure. Number one is to lay blame, make excuses and give up. This seems very attractive, saying that my problem is my sleep schedule, that my in-laws do the grocery shopping, that I have no time/energy/will-power, that I need a gym membership if I ever hope to lose anything, etc. But it's all bullshit. I may not have control over a lot, but I do have control over my health, for the most part. I have control over the lifestyle choices I make, what I put in my mouth, whether or not I get up and get moving and so forth. And I want to lose this weight, so I refuse to resign myself and let outside forces become my crutch. No excuses.

The second way of dealing with failure is to try harder. To refuse to quit and try again. This option isn't attractive to me at all. I know the first sign of madness is to do the same things over and over and expect a different outcome. My 2010 plan for weight loss (obviously) didn't work. Why would I do the exact same thing I did over the course of the last 12 months and expect that by this time next year I'd be in any different position? That would be madness.

And that is why I choose to deal with my "failure" the third and final way, by understanding that failure is just feedback. It's feedback on what didn't work - it's the universe showing me that I need to tweak my approach and try something new.
Maybe my "something new" will work. Maybe it won't. If it doesn't, that's just the universe giving me MORE feedback.
Eventually, I'll find what works.

I'm optimistic because my last post started out right! I'm going to try something new. I'm very excited to purchase my Wii Fit and I want to lose that first ten pounds! I want my rewards!
More later.

I will pick up running again once warmer weather hits

It's very difficult to get out there in temperatures dipping toward freezing, with biting wind whipping through your hair and chapping your lips, nose and cheeks. I don't have the right clothing to stay warm and control sweating like many die-hard runners have and I'm really looking forward to milder weather so I can get my butt back out there without hating every second. I can confidently do 25 minutes of jogging. Can't wait to do a full 30 minutes, and then work on doing a full 5K!

In the mean-time, I've been doing exercises on Demand, on Exercise TV. I've picked the 10 Pound Slimdown by Chris Freytag and have been doing it for over a week. For Christmas my mother-in-law gifted me a new pair of 5 pound hand weights and I love them! Lime green and perfect size. But they are definitely a lot harder on my muscles than my 2.5 pound metal ones I had previously been using. I like it though. It's challenging in a good way.

On the home front, we are facing another tax return that should prove to be hefty. Though we are saving the better portion of it, I will have a good chunk for my own spending pleasure. (Hey! I consider it stimulation to the economy!). My plan is to purchase a Wii Fit board for myself. I love being able to track my weight every day, and I also love the Games, Strength moves and Yoga poses available with Wii Fit Plus. I also love my friend's Biggest Loser Wii game, and wish to purchase that as well. Also, I'd love the Just Dance game, and maybe the Zumba Fitness Game as well.

I don't want to get everything at once because I figure I'll get burned out on it. Instead, I'll set up a little reward program for myself. Lose ten pounds on Wii Fit? Buy myself a new game. Lose another ten on that? Buy another new game. And so on and so forth, until I reach my goal weight/goal pant size, at which point my reward will be new clothes!!!!

I'm really excited about fitting into size 11 (or even smaller!!!!) jeans again. The week I broke down and bought new pants. My maternity jeans are getting very ragged. My size? 16. They're a tad loose, but that's my size.

UGH. When I began this blog I had visions of myself being back down to my healthy weight by now. Didn't think I'd weigh the same, perhaps, even MORE than when I started last January.

I'm going to have to take a good hard look at what happened during 2010 and adjust my goals and really overhaul my entire process, because I obviously failed.

Failed. I hate that word. But it's what happened. I didn't turn my lifestyle into one that's healthy. I didn't lose any weight. I didn't drop sizes. I didn't stop eating fast food, drinking soda, or lazing around on the couch and computer.

I didn't. I failed.

Crap. This was supposed to be a happy post about my new plans for getting thin again. Instead I've made myself depressed. I'll write again when I feel better.

Getting Back Out There

It feels good to be out there running again. After finishing Week 5 Day 3, the weather took a terrible downturn.. a week of below-freezing temps, ice and snow, and I was definitely NOT going out running in anything that terrible. After that week, we faced torrential downpours and, while I honestly CONSIDERED running in the rain, I did not go out at all. The week after that was Thanksgiving and my focus was set on creating a menu and not running.

I guess I don't have an excuse for the first few days of that next week. But when the rain let up and the sun came out last Thursday I was itching to get back out there and run. I did Week 5 Day 2 and it went really well. Matt also got back into running. He had to duck out for over a month - first due to a very painful infection in his rear end which took over two weeks to heal and then he got sick for a week, and then he injured his knee pretty badly while at work and that has kept him from running for three weeks. He's starting back at Week 3 and doing pretty well, though he's impatient to improve his pace. I keep telling him to stay at a slower pace to build his endurance but he's a bit stubborn!

On Monday I started Week 6. I had no issues! The run went well and I kept a pretty solid 14 min/mile pace the entire time, even though I, for some reason, chose to use my weight belt instead of my regular belt to carry my iPod. I was jogging with about 10 extra pounds around my waist and my legs were feeling it. That said, I didn't get tired or even consider stopping so I just see that as an accomplishment!

Today, I went out to do Week 6 Day 2. The program says to jog 10 minutes, walk 3 minutes and then jog another 10 minutes before cooling down. I left the weight belt at home, and was SO glad I did!

My problem was my pace. I started out going much faster than I usually go and it quickly became a problem. I knew I would be going farther than before so I augmented my route to accommodate the extra distance. By the end of my first 10 minutes I was breathing heavy, I had gone much farther than anticipated, my legs were burning and I was sweating. When I got home I checked my pace and found out I had been jogging at a 13 minute/mile pace - over a minute faster than I had ever done!

Needless to say, that three minute walk was a saving grace. I tried hard to control my breathing and at the end I stretched my quads and calves quickly before beginning my second jog.

I kept a MUCH slower pace - 14:23. Usually I say I could have done more, but I honestly don't think I could have. Maybe another minute MAX. I wasn't breathing heavy but my legs just felt dead.

Probably having done my 30 day Shred workout yesterday was contributing greatly to the state my legs were in. Even now, as I sit behind this keyboard, my calves are tight, my quads are sore and my butt is thanking me for the opportunity to sit.

But I feel awesome! Matt is out doing his run right now. I think I convinced him to move up to Week 4, but he seemed reluctant.

Sticking with the program, today marks the LAST interval-training day! Full runs from here on out starting with 25 minutes on Friday!

Can't wait!