So as soon as I hit "publish post" on that last blog entry I sought help from (where else?) the internet.
And I learned a few things.
Number one: Plato is quoted with these words of wisdom, "The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile."
Now, I have no clue how I am to both conquer myself while avoid being conquered by myself, but the words resonate in me somehow. Like, I shouldn't let myself defeat myself. Something along those lines...
Next, I learned there are three ways to deal with failure. Number one is to lay blame, make excuses and give up. This seems very attractive, saying that my problem is my sleep schedule, that my in-laws do the grocery shopping, that I have no time/energy/will-power, that I need a gym membership if I ever hope to lose anything, etc. But it's all bullshit. I may not have control over a lot, but I do have control over my health, for the most part. I have control over the lifestyle choices I make, what I put in my mouth, whether or not I get up and get moving and so forth. And I want to lose this weight, so I refuse to resign myself and let outside forces become my crutch. No excuses.
The second way of dealing with failure is to try harder. To refuse to quit and try again. This option isn't attractive to me at all. I know the first sign of madness is to do the same things over and over and expect a different outcome. My 2010 plan for weight loss (obviously) didn't work. Why would I do the exact same thing I did over the course of the last 12 months and expect that by this time next year I'd be in any different position? That would be madness.
And that is why I choose to deal with my "failure" the third and final way, by understanding that failure is just feedback. It's feedback on what didn't work - it's the universe showing me that I need to tweak my approach and try something new.
Maybe my "something new" will work. Maybe it won't. If it doesn't, that's just the universe giving me MORE feedback.
Eventually, I'll find what works.
I'm optimistic because my last post started out right! I'm going to try something new. I'm very excited to purchase my Wii Fit and I want to lose that first ten pounds! I want my rewards!
More later.
Monday, December 27, 2010
I will pick up running again once warmer weather hits
It's very difficult to get out there in temperatures dipping toward freezing, with biting wind whipping through your hair and chapping your lips, nose and cheeks. I don't have the right clothing to stay warm and control sweating like many die-hard runners have and I'm really looking forward to milder weather so I can get my butt back out there without hating every second. I can confidently do 25 minutes of jogging. Can't wait to do a full 30 minutes, and then work on doing a full 5K!
In the mean-time, I've been doing exercises on Demand, on Exercise TV. I've picked the 10 Pound Slimdown by Chris Freytag and have been doing it for over a week. For Christmas my mother-in-law gifted me a new pair of 5 pound hand weights and I love them! Lime green and perfect size. But they are definitely a lot harder on my muscles than my 2.5 pound metal ones I had previously been using. I like it though. It's challenging in a good way.
On the home front, we are facing another tax return that should prove to be hefty. Though we are saving the better portion of it, I will have a good chunk for my own spending pleasure. (Hey! I consider it stimulation to the economy!). My plan is to purchase a Wii Fit board for myself. I love being able to track my weight every day, and I also love the Games, Strength moves and Yoga poses available with Wii Fit Plus. I also love my friend's Biggest Loser Wii game, and wish to purchase that as well. Also, I'd love the Just Dance game, and maybe the Zumba Fitness Game as well.
I don't want to get everything at once because I figure I'll get burned out on it. Instead, I'll set up a little reward program for myself. Lose ten pounds on Wii Fit? Buy myself a new game. Lose another ten on that? Buy another new game. And so on and so forth, until I reach my goal weight/goal pant size, at which point my reward will be new clothes!!!!
I'm really excited about fitting into size 11 (or even smaller!!!!) jeans again. The week I broke down and bought new pants. My maternity jeans are getting very ragged. My size? 16. They're a tad loose, but that's my size.
UGH. When I began this blog I had visions of myself being back down to my healthy weight by now. Didn't think I'd weigh the same, perhaps, even MORE than when I started last January.
I'm going to have to take a good hard look at what happened during 2010 and adjust my goals and really overhaul my entire process, because I obviously failed.
Failed. I hate that word. But it's what happened. I didn't turn my lifestyle into one that's healthy. I didn't lose any weight. I didn't drop sizes. I didn't stop eating fast food, drinking soda, or lazing around on the couch and computer.
I didn't. I failed.
Crap. This was supposed to be a happy post about my new plans for getting thin again. Instead I've made myself depressed. I'll write again when I feel better.
In the mean-time, I've been doing exercises on Demand, on Exercise TV. I've picked the 10 Pound Slimdown by Chris Freytag and have been doing it for over a week. For Christmas my mother-in-law gifted me a new pair of 5 pound hand weights and I love them! Lime green and perfect size. But they are definitely a lot harder on my muscles than my 2.5 pound metal ones I had previously been using. I like it though. It's challenging in a good way.
On the home front, we are facing another tax return that should prove to be hefty. Though we are saving the better portion of it, I will have a good chunk for my own spending pleasure. (Hey! I consider it stimulation to the economy!). My plan is to purchase a Wii Fit board for myself. I love being able to track my weight every day, and I also love the Games, Strength moves and Yoga poses available with Wii Fit Plus. I also love my friend's Biggest Loser Wii game, and wish to purchase that as well. Also, I'd love the Just Dance game, and maybe the Zumba Fitness Game as well.
I don't want to get everything at once because I figure I'll get burned out on it. Instead, I'll set up a little reward program for myself. Lose ten pounds on Wii Fit? Buy myself a new game. Lose another ten on that? Buy another new game. And so on and so forth, until I reach my goal weight/goal pant size, at which point my reward will be new clothes!!!!
I'm really excited about fitting into size 11 (or even smaller!!!!) jeans again. The week I broke down and bought new pants. My maternity jeans are getting very ragged. My size? 16. They're a tad loose, but that's my size.
UGH. When I began this blog I had visions of myself being back down to my healthy weight by now. Didn't think I'd weigh the same, perhaps, even MORE than when I started last January.
I'm going to have to take a good hard look at what happened during 2010 and adjust my goals and really overhaul my entire process, because I obviously failed.
Failed. I hate that word. But it's what happened. I didn't turn my lifestyle into one that's healthy. I didn't lose any weight. I didn't drop sizes. I didn't stop eating fast food, drinking soda, or lazing around on the couch and computer.
I didn't. I failed.
Crap. This was supposed to be a happy post about my new plans for getting thin again. Instead I've made myself depressed. I'll write again when I feel better.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Getting Back Out There
It feels good to be out there running again. After finishing Week 5 Day 3, the weather took a terrible downturn.. a week of below-freezing temps, ice and snow, and I was definitely NOT going out running in anything that terrible. After that week, we faced torrential downpours and, while I honestly CONSIDERED running in the rain, I did not go out at all. The week after that was Thanksgiving and my focus was set on creating a menu and not running.
I guess I don't have an excuse for the first few days of that next week. But when the rain let up and the sun came out last Thursday I was itching to get back out there and run. I did Week 5 Day 2 and it went really well. Matt also got back into running. He had to duck out for over a month - first due to a very painful infection in his rear end which took over two weeks to heal and then he got sick for a week, and then he injured his knee pretty badly while at work and that has kept him from running for three weeks. He's starting back at Week 3 and doing pretty well, though he's impatient to improve his pace. I keep telling him to stay at a slower pace to build his endurance but he's a bit stubborn!
On Monday I started Week 6. I had no issues! The run went well and I kept a pretty solid 14 min/mile pace the entire time, even though I, for some reason, chose to use my weight belt instead of my regular belt to carry my iPod. I was jogging with about 10 extra pounds around my waist and my legs were feeling it. That said, I didn't get tired or even consider stopping so I just see that as an accomplishment!
Today, I went out to do Week 6 Day 2. The program says to jog 10 minutes, walk 3 minutes and then jog another 10 minutes before cooling down. I left the weight belt at home, and was SO glad I did!
My problem was my pace. I started out going much faster than I usually go and it quickly became a problem. I knew I would be going farther than before so I augmented my route to accommodate the extra distance. By the end of my first 10 minutes I was breathing heavy, I had gone much farther than anticipated, my legs were burning and I was sweating. When I got home I checked my pace and found out I had been jogging at a 13 minute/mile pace - over a minute faster than I had ever done!
Needless to say, that three minute walk was a saving grace. I tried hard to control my breathing and at the end I stretched my quads and calves quickly before beginning my second jog.
I kept a MUCH slower pace - 14:23. Usually I say I could have done more, but I honestly don't think I could have. Maybe another minute MAX. I wasn't breathing heavy but my legs just felt dead.
Probably having done my 30 day Shred workout yesterday was contributing greatly to the state my legs were in. Even now, as I sit behind this keyboard, my calves are tight, my quads are sore and my butt is thanking me for the opportunity to sit.
But I feel awesome! Matt is out doing his run right now. I think I convinced him to move up to Week 4, but he seemed reluctant.
Sticking with the program, today marks the LAST interval-training day! Full runs from here on out starting with 25 minutes on Friday!
Can't wait!
I guess I don't have an excuse for the first few days of that next week. But when the rain let up and the sun came out last Thursday I was itching to get back out there and run. I did Week 5 Day 2 and it went really well. Matt also got back into running. He had to duck out for over a month - first due to a very painful infection in his rear end which took over two weeks to heal and then he got sick for a week, and then he injured his knee pretty badly while at work and that has kept him from running for three weeks. He's starting back at Week 3 and doing pretty well, though he's impatient to improve his pace. I keep telling him to stay at a slower pace to build his endurance but he's a bit stubborn!
On Monday I started Week 6. I had no issues! The run went well and I kept a pretty solid 14 min/mile pace the entire time, even though I, for some reason, chose to use my weight belt instead of my regular belt to carry my iPod. I was jogging with about 10 extra pounds around my waist and my legs were feeling it. That said, I didn't get tired or even consider stopping so I just see that as an accomplishment!
Today, I went out to do Week 6 Day 2. The program says to jog 10 minutes, walk 3 minutes and then jog another 10 minutes before cooling down. I left the weight belt at home, and was SO glad I did!
My problem was my pace. I started out going much faster than I usually go and it quickly became a problem. I knew I would be going farther than before so I augmented my route to accommodate the extra distance. By the end of my first 10 minutes I was breathing heavy, I had gone much farther than anticipated, my legs were burning and I was sweating. When I got home I checked my pace and found out I had been jogging at a 13 minute/mile pace - over a minute faster than I had ever done!
Needless to say, that three minute walk was a saving grace. I tried hard to control my breathing and at the end I stretched my quads and calves quickly before beginning my second jog.
I kept a MUCH slower pace - 14:23. Usually I say I could have done more, but I honestly don't think I could have. Maybe another minute MAX. I wasn't breathing heavy but my legs just felt dead.
Probably having done my 30 day Shred workout yesterday was contributing greatly to the state my legs were in. Even now, as I sit behind this keyboard, my calves are tight, my quads are sore and my butt is thanking me for the opportunity to sit.
But I feel awesome! Matt is out doing his run right now. I think I convinced him to move up to Week 4, but he seemed reluctant.
Sticking with the program, today marks the LAST interval-training day! Full runs from here on out starting with 25 minutes on Friday!
Can't wait!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
W5D2
Not only did I do today, it was EASY. It would've been even easier if my whole body didn't hurt (thanks Jillian Michaels!). It was so easy I decided to test myself!
I skipped the cooldown and kept running. I ran for a total of 14 and a half minutes! My pace was 15 mins/mile! I'm so proud of myself, and I know now that this program will not defeat me! I will prevail!
I will conquer the 20 minute jog this Friday. And I never thought I'd be this confident about it -- hell, I wasn't until I completed a 15 minute jog today.
And I'm here to tell you that YOU CAN DO IT TOO.
You just have to make up your mind to do it.
I skipped the cooldown and kept running. I ran for a total of 14 and a half minutes! My pace was 15 mins/mile! I'm so proud of myself, and I know now that this program will not defeat me! I will prevail!
I will conquer the 20 minute jog this Friday. And I never thought I'd be this confident about it -- hell, I wasn't until I completed a 15 minute jog today.
And I'm here to tell you that YOU CAN DO IT TOO.
You just have to make up your mind to do it.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Diving back in...
...and praying I don't burn out!
Yesterday I did W5D1 of the C25K program, hopefully for the LAST time! I've commited myself to pushing past my mental block and just DO Day 2 tomorrow. Rain or shine. Hot or cold. Exhausted or not.
Why would I be exhausted you ask? Well. I have decided to get super-dooper serious about the weight loss thing again, just in time for the holiday season.
This is probably the worst time of the year to attempt weight loss but I like a challenge! If my will-power can survive Thanksgiving, it can survive anything.
I started up a weight loss journal yesterday and I'm looking forward to tracking my workouts, my pitfalls (fingers crossed that there are a minimal amount of these!), and progress.
I put my ultimate goal for myself at the top of the first page: "I aim to lose atleast thirty pounds before my 21st birthday. I want to look great for my trip to California in March and Saqra's Showcase in April. I want to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds before my trip to Las Vegas in July for the Wiggles of the West competition. More than I want my body back, I want my health back!"
Under my goal I wrote out 8 Mini-Goals to strive for each day. I want to change my habits and mold for myself a healthier lifestyle.
Four Exercise Mini-Goals:
#1: Get moving! Do cardio, even a small amount, everyday. (Atleast 15 mins, preferably 30).
#2: Finish C25K program, one day at a time, and continue jogging.
#3: Strentgh training! 5 times per week. Choose from magazine workouts or Exercise TV.
#4: Stretch regularly and don't skip it! No injuries on this journey, okay?
Four Nutrition Mini-Goals:
#1: Cut out soda - limit to less than 32 ounces per week. (This allows for two glasses on Saturday Date Night plus the odd drink.) Choose the diet option, or, even better, get water.
#2: Cut out fast food. Avoid even going there if possible. If not, choose two small items.
#3: Limit refined sugars, high fructose corn syrup, anything with ridiculously high sodium etc. Stick with whole foods whenever possible, more naked fruits and vegetables, 100% whole grains, and lean meats.
#4: Create a calorie defecit - aim to burn what you consume each day. This is the one and only way to healthfully lose fat.
I'm striving to get this under control. I know nothing will change until I work for it, and I'm ready to work for it. Since I started this blog back in January I've actually gained weight, creeping upwards toward 200 pounds and that scares me. I don't want to weigh as much as I did at the end of my pregnany over a year ago - I want to feel good and look good and settle back down into my healthy weight.
No quick fixes. The sweat and sore muscles will become my best friend, as will Jillian Michaels on Exercise TV.
(Regarding Jillian Michaels -- OH. MY. GOD. Her 30 Day Shred Level One kicked my butt today! My arms and hands are shaking as I type this and I'm not sure if I can stand yet!)
I also did a slow-paced arms workout from an issue of Cosmo. I love having a lot of options to choose from - I don't want to get bored doing one thing over and over, but I will continue doing the 30 Day Shred... I think I have a girl-crush on that woman! :D
Anyway, more tomorrow after I run 8 minutes twice. Ack! It's tough but I can do it!!!!
Yesterday I did W5D1 of the C25K program, hopefully for the LAST time! I've commited myself to pushing past my mental block and just DO Day 2 tomorrow. Rain or shine. Hot or cold. Exhausted or not.
Why would I be exhausted you ask? Well. I have decided to get super-dooper serious about the weight loss thing again, just in time for the holiday season.
This is probably the worst time of the year to attempt weight loss but I like a challenge! If my will-power can survive Thanksgiving, it can survive anything.
I started up a weight loss journal yesterday and I'm looking forward to tracking my workouts, my pitfalls (fingers crossed that there are a minimal amount of these!), and progress.
I put my ultimate goal for myself at the top of the first page: "I aim to lose atleast thirty pounds before my 21st birthday. I want to look great for my trip to California in March and Saqra's Showcase in April. I want to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds before my trip to Las Vegas in July for the Wiggles of the West competition. More than I want my body back, I want my health back!"
Under my goal I wrote out 8 Mini-Goals to strive for each day. I want to change my habits and mold for myself a healthier lifestyle.
Four Exercise Mini-Goals:
#1: Get moving! Do cardio, even a small amount, everyday. (Atleast 15 mins, preferably 30).
#2: Finish C25K program, one day at a time, and continue jogging.
#3: Strentgh training! 5 times per week. Choose from magazine workouts or Exercise TV.
#4: Stretch regularly and don't skip it! No injuries on this journey, okay?
Four Nutrition Mini-Goals:
#1: Cut out soda - limit to less than 32 ounces per week. (This allows for two glasses on Saturday Date Night plus the odd drink.) Choose the diet option, or, even better, get water.
#2: Cut out fast food. Avoid even going there if possible. If not, choose two small items.
#3: Limit refined sugars, high fructose corn syrup, anything with ridiculously high sodium etc. Stick with whole foods whenever possible, more naked fruits and vegetables, 100% whole grains, and lean meats.
#4: Create a calorie defecit - aim to burn what you consume each day. This is the one and only way to healthfully lose fat.
I'm striving to get this under control. I know nothing will change until I work for it, and I'm ready to work for it. Since I started this blog back in January I've actually gained weight, creeping upwards toward 200 pounds and that scares me. I don't want to weigh as much as I did at the end of my pregnany over a year ago - I want to feel good and look good and settle back down into my healthy weight.
No quick fixes. The sweat and sore muscles will become my best friend, as will Jillian Michaels on Exercise TV.
(Regarding Jillian Michaels -- OH. MY. GOD. Her 30 Day Shred Level One kicked my butt today! My arms and hands are shaking as I type this and I'm not sure if I can stand yet!)
I also did a slow-paced arms workout from an issue of Cosmo. I love having a lot of options to choose from - I don't want to get bored doing one thing over and over, but I will continue doing the 30 Day Shred... I think I have a girl-crush on that woman! :D
Anyway, more tomorrow after I run 8 minutes twice. Ack! It's tough but I can do it!!!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Don't we all wish for quick fixes???
I know it took more than a year for me to gain this weight... and another year to maintain what I gained.
I know it'll take real dedication and a lot of time to get back to where I want to be, but instead of getting to work, getting off my butt, moving more, choosing better meals, keeping track of calories and making sure I end each day in a deficit, I fantasize about there being a way to just magically take care of it.
Like pills, and creams, and medical procedures, two hours of cardio and nothing but carrot sticks and diet pepsi for three weeks.
Get to my goal weight fast and go back to maintenance only. No more worries, just satisfaction.
Yeah, I wish.
I'll be jumping back into C25K on Monday, week 5 day 1 again on Monday (I feel I need one more day to master it!), day 2 on Wednesday and (EEK!) day 3 on Friday.
I have, for the past three or four weeks, been avoiding the Mini-Mart on the way to the studio, which cuts out atleast four sodas per week.
But I have been drinking tea nearly everyday and I put so much sugar in it I don't even want to think of the calorie count!
No wonder the scale at the studio has me at 190. :(
I should see if Korin will let me check my weight on her Wii Fit. It's been atleast two months since I weighed myself over there... At the same time, however, do I really want to know exactly what kind of damage I've done to myself?
When I think of losing the weight, I get excited and jumpy. I think of fitting back into my old jeans, running more easily due to less body mass, looking better in pictures, having more energy to chase my 14 month old around...etc.
But I need something I will stick to. Winter is fast approaching so I'd like to complete C25K before major rain, hail and sleet hit daily. I have a treadmill available to use but I'm wary about using it... I like doing strength exercises but have trouble commiting myself to doing them regularly. I'd love to join a gym, but don't want the financial burden right now, nor am I sure I would use it enough for the money to not go to waste.
I know I'm held back a lot due to caring for Jamison. He's an energy drainer, he now only takes one nap per day and it's getting colder out so that means less time running around outside. I could continue to travel to the studio even on days I don't have to in order to get specific workouts in but I don't know.
Ugh. A quick fix would be SO nice! Three wishes from a magical genie, a prayer circle to shrink my ass, eat all I want, lay around the house and still lose thirty pounds. POOF! Size 9 again!
:( Wishful thinking.
I know it'll take real dedication and a lot of time to get back to where I want to be, but instead of getting to work, getting off my butt, moving more, choosing better meals, keeping track of calories and making sure I end each day in a deficit, I fantasize about there being a way to just magically take care of it.
Like pills, and creams, and medical procedures, two hours of cardio and nothing but carrot sticks and diet pepsi for three weeks.
Get to my goal weight fast and go back to maintenance only. No more worries, just satisfaction.
Yeah, I wish.
I'll be jumping back into C25K on Monday, week 5 day 1 again on Monday (I feel I need one more day to master it!), day 2 on Wednesday and (EEK!) day 3 on Friday.
I have, for the past three or four weeks, been avoiding the Mini-Mart on the way to the studio, which cuts out atleast four sodas per week.
But I have been drinking tea nearly everyday and I put so much sugar in it I don't even want to think of the calorie count!
No wonder the scale at the studio has me at 190. :(
I should see if Korin will let me check my weight on her Wii Fit. It's been atleast two months since I weighed myself over there... At the same time, however, do I really want to know exactly what kind of damage I've done to myself?
When I think of losing the weight, I get excited and jumpy. I think of fitting back into my old jeans, running more easily due to less body mass, looking better in pictures, having more energy to chase my 14 month old around...etc.
But I need something I will stick to. Winter is fast approaching so I'd like to complete C25K before major rain, hail and sleet hit daily. I have a treadmill available to use but I'm wary about using it... I like doing strength exercises but have trouble commiting myself to doing them regularly. I'd love to join a gym, but don't want the financial burden right now, nor am I sure I would use it enough for the money to not go to waste.
I know I'm held back a lot due to caring for Jamison. He's an energy drainer, he now only takes one nap per day and it's getting colder out so that means less time running around outside. I could continue to travel to the studio even on days I don't have to in order to get specific workouts in but I don't know.
Ugh. A quick fix would be SO nice! Three wishes from a magical genie, a prayer circle to shrink my ass, eat all I want, lay around the house and still lose thirty pounds. POOF! Size 9 again!
:( Wishful thinking.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
C25K W5D1, Times Two.
On October 20, I ran Week 5 Day 1 of the Couch to 5k program. And the next day, my knee hurt so bad I couldn't walk without pain. I couldn't lower myself to the floor, walk down stairs (going up stairs was fine, oddly enough), nor kneel on my knee without a sharp stabbing pain going through the joint and up to my hip. If I put too much weight on that leg and tried to bend it it felt as though my knee cap was going to explode and my knee was going to split apart. I iced it all that weekend... avoided using it... I did the bare minimum at bellydance troupe that Sunday and I skipped nearly two weeks worth of running intervals.
Ugh.
Today, however, I decided my knee is well enough that I could get back out there. I redid Week 5 Day 1 today and I felt so great! It was rougher than the first time I did it, but not nearly as bad as I thought getting back out there was going to be.
I'm looking forward to Day 2, and even Day 3 of this week! Though, my days have been thrown off because I don't usually do Tuesdays, but I felt I couldn't wait another day to get back out there and run my heart out.
Unfortunately, when I got back home that pain in my knee started back up. Is it the new shoes? is it running for longer stretches at a time? Both? Why is it only my left knee? Is it weaker?
I'm icing my knee now just to head off any swelling and I'll look up any information I can about what I can do to prevent another injury keeping me from running.
More later.
Ugh.
Today, however, I decided my knee is well enough that I could get back out there. I redid Week 5 Day 1 today and I felt so great! It was rougher than the first time I did it, but not nearly as bad as I thought getting back out there was going to be.
I'm looking forward to Day 2, and even Day 3 of this week! Though, my days have been thrown off because I don't usually do Tuesdays, but I felt I couldn't wait another day to get back out there and run my heart out.
Unfortunately, when I got back home that pain in my knee started back up. Is it the new shoes? is it running for longer stretches at a time? Both? Why is it only my left knee? Is it weaker?
I'm icing my knee now just to head off any swelling and I'll look up any information I can about what I can do to prevent another injury keeping me from running.
More later.
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