Atleast, I feel like I was rewarded for nothing. I SHOULD have gained like... five pounds this week.
But the scale doesn't lie. And that scale said I lost a pound and a half this week.
A POUND AND A HALF! I don't know what I did and I don't know if it will last but I'm very happy with a pound and a half.
What I'm NOT happy with is myself and the bad choices I've been making. Today I had THREE pieces of pizza for dinner. They were very tasty but still. I would've been fine with two. Or I could've had one plus a salad...
(though, in my defense, I was a very good dieting girl yesterday and had a sandwich for lunch, a big salad for dinner and I danced for almost an hour, PLUS I did workouts on the Wii Fit. Overall, for all of last week, I was under calories.
But since I don't only want to lose weight but also KEEP it off and change my dietary lifestyle into something more healthy, it is important for me to make better decisions.
I'm really tired right now. I think I'm coming down with a cold. Ugh.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Man this is tough...
Old habits die hard.
Mine are holding on to dear life - flailing their arms and desperately trying to pull me down with them.
The worst part is, I'm only halfheartedly trying to kill them. That's right - I'm talking about my fast-food habit.
It's an ugly one, no doubt. Tonight I had Jack-in-the-Box. I went over my calories by 30.
UGH.
More later.
Mine are holding on to dear life - flailing their arms and desperately trying to pull me down with them.
The worst part is, I'm only halfheartedly trying to kill them. That's right - I'm talking about my fast-food habit.
It's an ugly one, no doubt. Tonight I had Jack-in-the-Box. I went over my calories by 30.
UGH.
More later.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Ups and downs
So, after that last post I realized that it actually WAS sunday when I weighed myself. I thought I was cheating by weighing myself on Saturday, a day early.
Mommy-brained... I don't work or go to school so I hardly know what day it is anymore!
Anyway. My friend brought her Wii Fit system over to my house but it told us both we were thirty pounds lighter than what we are! We blame the shag carpet. When we put the board on her hardwood floor in her bedroom I weighed in at 187.5.
By BMI is 26-point-something and I'm at risk for being overweight. I put down a goal of 15 pounds in two months which is pretty steep but I think I can do it.
That is, if I can start making better choices!
Monday night we went out to Red Lobster. I had a platter of fried seafood (which was delicious by the way) along with a small baked potato and a garden salad with balsamic vinegar dressing.
I came out FOUR calories under my allotment for the day, and I would have gone WAY over if I hadn't have gone to LA Fitness with my friend earlier that day. We walked about half a mile to get there, then I did fifteen minutes on the bicycle, a little over five minutes on the elliptical trainer, thirty minutes using weight machines and fifteen minutes in the sauna. I felt really good about myself afterward.
Today I walked just over a mile with my friend. (I'm going to call her Kay for future reference). I had to open and run my mother's belly dance studio. I fell victim to temptation and got a liter of Mountain Dew at the little store we passed. I was SO sweaty and parched.
(Note to self: bring a water bottle next time).
Anyway, I was a horrible dieter today and make chocolate oatmeal no-bake cookies. I only made half of a batch but I logged all the ingredients (which includes sugar, cocoa powder, milk, BUTTER, and peanut butter and old-fashioned quick oats).
Oh god. They were amazingly good.
But I was not.
I ate FOUR of these cookies. At almost 200 calories each. BLAHBLAHBLAH. I went 750 calories OVER my allowance of 1675.
So bad. But it tasted SO good.
Oh well. What's done is done. I can't UNeat it. (I could if I was bulimic but I'd rather be fat than have an esophagus worn away by stomach acid and teeth that are rotting away). I'll just get back on track tomorrow and put this little oopsy-moment behind me.
(Besides, I was 1600 calories under last week. I think I have a tiny bit of leeway.) ((I know that's not a very good excuse. I'm just saying. I did really well last week.))
But hey, isn't that what always happens? The first week on a diet goes SO well but then you just fall off track. Motivation for me is an issue, I will have to look up ways to avoid failing.
Good night!
Mommy-brained... I don't work or go to school so I hardly know what day it is anymore!
Anyway. My friend brought her Wii Fit system over to my house but it told us both we were thirty pounds lighter than what we are! We blame the shag carpet. When we put the board on her hardwood floor in her bedroom I weighed in at 187.5.
By BMI is 26-point-something and I'm at risk for being overweight. I put down a goal of 15 pounds in two months which is pretty steep but I think I can do it.
That is, if I can start making better choices!
Monday night we went out to Red Lobster. I had a platter of fried seafood (which was delicious by the way) along with a small baked potato and a garden salad with balsamic vinegar dressing.
I came out FOUR calories under my allotment for the day, and I would have gone WAY over if I hadn't have gone to LA Fitness with my friend earlier that day. We walked about half a mile to get there, then I did fifteen minutes on the bicycle, a little over five minutes on the elliptical trainer, thirty minutes using weight machines and fifteen minutes in the sauna. I felt really good about myself afterward.
Today I walked just over a mile with my friend. (I'm going to call her Kay for future reference). I had to open and run my mother's belly dance studio. I fell victim to temptation and got a liter of Mountain Dew at the little store we passed. I was SO sweaty and parched.
(Note to self: bring a water bottle next time).
Anyway, I was a horrible dieter today and make chocolate oatmeal no-bake cookies. I only made half of a batch but I logged all the ingredients (which includes sugar, cocoa powder, milk, BUTTER, and peanut butter and old-fashioned quick oats).
Oh god. They were amazingly good.
But I was not.
I ate FOUR of these cookies. At almost 200 calories each. BLAHBLAHBLAH. I went 750 calories OVER my allowance of 1675.
So bad. But it tasted SO good.
Oh well. What's done is done. I can't UNeat it. (I could if I was bulimic but I'd rather be fat than have an esophagus worn away by stomach acid and teeth that are rotting away). I'll just get back on track tomorrow and put this little oopsy-moment behind me.
(Besides, I was 1600 calories under last week. I think I have a tiny bit of leeway.) ((I know that's not a very good excuse. I'm just saying. I did really well last week.))
But hey, isn't that what always happens? The first week on a diet goes SO well but then you just fall off track. Motivation for me is an issue, I will have to look up ways to avoid failing.
Good night!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Impatience
I want to step on the scale NOW and have results right NOW. I vowed I would only check once a week, on Sunday evenings, because I don't want to be a slave to a broken, lying, bathroom scale.
But I did, today.
I did because my sister said she had lost 15 pounds in the past 3 weeks. And my curiosity got the best of me so I got up from my computer and pulled out the scale.
It hasn't budged.
It still says I'm 193 pounds. That is, if I stand on it normally with my weight balanced through both soles.
If I lean forward and stand on tip-toes at the top part next to the numbers I'm 189! But that isn't how I took my original weight and I promised myself I wouldn't cheat without admitting it.
So I must confess. I had Taco Bell at 2 AM this morning. I was starving, my best friend was over and we were doing her school project and my boyfriend announced he was going to grab some grub.
And I ordered a cheesy double beef burrito and TWO crunchy tacos. Then I shared a full-sugar soda with both of them.
I just felt gross afterward. Logging the food, I discovered that I had consumed OVER 1000 calories for the day, leaving me only a little more than 600 for the next 22 hours.
I didn't eat breakfast and also skipped lunch. For dinner I had 1/8th piece of spinach quiche pie and a handful of salad with 1 tbsp Italian dressing and diet Pepsi.
That leaves me with 350 calories. So far, for the whole week, I am 1000 calories below my target amount.
Shouldn't I be SO much lighter than I am??? I'm sick of that scale already.
My friend offered to bring over her Wii Fit. It should be much more accurate so I guess I'll let you know what happens.
But I did, today.
I did because my sister said she had lost 15 pounds in the past 3 weeks. And my curiosity got the best of me so I got up from my computer and pulled out the scale.
It hasn't budged.
It still says I'm 193 pounds. That is, if I stand on it normally with my weight balanced through both soles.
If I lean forward and stand on tip-toes at the top part next to the numbers I'm 189! But that isn't how I took my original weight and I promised myself I wouldn't cheat without admitting it.
So I must confess. I had Taco Bell at 2 AM this morning. I was starving, my best friend was over and we were doing her school project and my boyfriend announced he was going to grab some grub.
And I ordered a cheesy double beef burrito and TWO crunchy tacos. Then I shared a full-sugar soda with both of them.
I just felt gross afterward. Logging the food, I discovered that I had consumed OVER 1000 calories for the day, leaving me only a little more than 600 for the next 22 hours.
I didn't eat breakfast and also skipped lunch. For dinner I had 1/8th piece of spinach quiche pie and a handful of salad with 1 tbsp Italian dressing and diet Pepsi.
That leaves me with 350 calories. So far, for the whole week, I am 1000 calories below my target amount.
Shouldn't I be SO much lighter than I am??? I'm sick of that scale already.
My friend offered to bring over her Wii Fit. It should be much more accurate so I guess I'll let you know what happens.
Friday, January 15, 2010
It's hard being a new mom.
My life has, literally, been thrown upside down since the birth of my son. There aren't enough words to describe the miracle of a new little person while also describing the challenges of raising one. I have spent so many nights in tears because of the stress, the sleep-deprivation, the frustration, the faltering self-confidence, the feeling of being out-of-control, the realization of just how much self-sacrifice motherhood takes and the immense feeling of being totally underappreciated. And to top it all off, none of my pre-pregnancy jeans fit, I've got a flabby tummy with lots of muffin-top, I don't have the time to do anything but the basics in the shower and I'm constantly covered in (and, consequently, smell like) baby spit-up.
That isn't to say my son and I don't have really great days too - raising him has been tremendously rewarding. I'm just identifying some of the reasons any new mom may turn to food for comfort and sabotage her weight loss plans. I don't always have someone I can ask to watch my son for a few minutes so I have to squeeze housework, hygiene, and recreation in during his naps. Food preparation has an allowance of maybe ten or twenty minutes so cooking healthy meals isn't always feasible. I do my exercise routines past midnight, right before I go to bed because that's the only time I have to myself.
For me to attempt this weight loss diet and exercise program is quite ambitious considering the challenges I need to overcome. But I'm not doing this short-term just to lose a few pounds. I want to live healthier and be an example to my son. I don't want to struggle with portion size or fad diets or a vicious yo-yo weight loss-weight gain cycle. I want good, healthy choices to come naturally. I want to avoid the diseases caused by overweight.
Most of all, I want my self-confidence back.
That isn't to say my son and I don't have really great days too - raising him has been tremendously rewarding. I'm just identifying some of the reasons any new mom may turn to food for comfort and sabotage her weight loss plans. I don't always have someone I can ask to watch my son for a few minutes so I have to squeeze housework, hygiene, and recreation in during his naps. Food preparation has an allowance of maybe ten or twenty minutes so cooking healthy meals isn't always feasible. I do my exercise routines past midnight, right before I go to bed because that's the only time I have to myself.
For me to attempt this weight loss diet and exercise program is quite ambitious considering the challenges I need to overcome. But I'm not doing this short-term just to lose a few pounds. I want to live healthier and be an example to my son. I don't want to struggle with portion size or fad diets or a vicious yo-yo weight loss-weight gain cycle. I want good, healthy choices to come naturally. I want to avoid the diseases caused by overweight.
Most of all, I want my self-confidence back.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Fast food fix
Fast food is my biggest downfall, I must admit. I went over my calorie allowance yesterday by 40 because I had to have the fatty burrito AND the crunchy taco from Taco Bell.
This happens atleast three times a week. My boyfriend will get home from work hours after dinner and he'll be hungry around 11 pm. Then we go to Taco Bell. Why can't I just say no? I'm rarely ever THAT hungry when we go. It's tasty but I don't ever feel good about myself after I eat it. Blah.
Once he went to bed last night I did a ten minute ab routine and a ten minute cardio video. I felt better about myself almost instantly. My abs don't burn like they did the last time I did that video. I wonder if I'm getting stronger.
But anyway, I desperately need a plan to help me say no to the greasy drive-thru. If I want to lose this weight I'm going to have to avoid the fast food as best I can.
I pledge here and now to have late-night Taco Bell food ONE time per week only. It may seem like a normal amount to consume fast food, but for me this is a major cut-back. It's going to be tough, and I'm not going to have the support from my boyfriend like I need so this is really going to test my resolve. But I have confidence that it will work out because I have the motivation.
Today I made myself two over-easy eggs with one slice of cheddar cheese and two pieces of toast and an apple. For a snack I made myself hot chocolate with 1% milk. Dinner tonight is going to be stuffed tortellini pasta with either tomato or alfredo sauce. (I will choose the lower-calorie tomato). Again, I want to do another exercise video while my son is napping, but again I can't find the privacy and feel self-conscious and embarrassed to do one in front of others. I guess I'll be waiting until eleven tonight then.
Ooh! Maybe, whenever my boyfriend announces his plan to go to Taco Bell I can have him take my son with him and spend those ten minutes working out! That way I not only avoid getting the food but I replace it with a healthy option instead.
See you soon.
This happens atleast three times a week. My boyfriend will get home from work hours after dinner and he'll be hungry around 11 pm. Then we go to Taco Bell. Why can't I just say no? I'm rarely ever THAT hungry when we go. It's tasty but I don't ever feel good about myself after I eat it. Blah.
Once he went to bed last night I did a ten minute ab routine and a ten minute cardio video. I felt better about myself almost instantly. My abs don't burn like they did the last time I did that video. I wonder if I'm getting stronger.
But anyway, I desperately need a plan to help me say no to the greasy drive-thru. If I want to lose this weight I'm going to have to avoid the fast food as best I can.
I pledge here and now to have late-night Taco Bell food ONE time per week only. It may seem like a normal amount to consume fast food, but for me this is a major cut-back. It's going to be tough, and I'm not going to have the support from my boyfriend like I need so this is really going to test my resolve. But I have confidence that it will work out because I have the motivation.
Today I made myself two over-easy eggs with one slice of cheddar cheese and two pieces of toast and an apple. For a snack I made myself hot chocolate with 1% milk. Dinner tonight is going to be stuffed tortellini pasta with either tomato or alfredo sauce. (I will choose the lower-calorie tomato). Again, I want to do another exercise video while my son is napping, but again I can't find the privacy and feel self-conscious and embarrassed to do one in front of others. I guess I'll be waiting until eleven tonight then.
Ooh! Maybe, whenever my boyfriend announces his plan to go to Taco Bell I can have him take my son with him and spend those ten minutes working out! That way I not only avoid getting the food but I replace it with a healthy option instead.
See you soon.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Elaboration on my goals
I'm a bellydancer. Have been for eleven years and I don't plan on quitting anytime soon. Over the summer, I won third place in the biggest belly dance competition in the west, and I was 7 months pregnant!
It has been very tough for me to get back into it. Troupe practice used to be every Sunday and I stuck with it throughout my entire 40 weeks. I don't drive, and taking the bus and the metro with an infant through a seedy area of a big city during winter months is not a good idea. But now one member is offering us a ride and I'm really going to make the effort to go every week. I've missed many performances these past four months but there are a couple coming up that I want to participate in. Mid-April is a big showcase and I want to be twenty pounds lighter (atleast!) by that time. That's more than 14 weeks away at this point.
My goal loss is around 1.5 pounds per week on a reduced-calorie diet along with exercise. I really feel like I can do it. I want to do it.
Just ate some chili for dinner. Had two cups, even though a serving size is only one. But I'm still 450 calories under for today. This is probably because I don't eat breakfast - my son and I sleep in until noon most days because he never goes down for bed before 1:30 am. I want to do an exercise video right now but can't really get any privacy in the house. I'll probably end up doing something at midnight tonight after everyone has gone to bed. Once it gets nicer outside I'd like to take walks with my little boy too.
I want some hot tea right now, but I always drown it in sugar so I know that's not a good option. I'm making the effort to drink more water but I don't really enjoy drinking it unless I'm thuirsty.
Until next time.
It has been very tough for me to get back into it. Troupe practice used to be every Sunday and I stuck with it throughout my entire 40 weeks. I don't drive, and taking the bus and the metro with an infant through a seedy area of a big city during winter months is not a good idea. But now one member is offering us a ride and I'm really going to make the effort to go every week. I've missed many performances these past four months but there are a couple coming up that I want to participate in. Mid-April is a big showcase and I want to be twenty pounds lighter (atleast!) by that time. That's more than 14 weeks away at this point.
My goal loss is around 1.5 pounds per week on a reduced-calorie diet along with exercise. I really feel like I can do it. I want to do it.
Just ate some chili for dinner. Had two cups, even though a serving size is only one. But I'm still 450 calories under for today. This is probably because I don't eat breakfast - my son and I sleep in until noon most days because he never goes down for bed before 1:30 am. I want to do an exercise video right now but can't really get any privacy in the house. I'll probably end up doing something at midnight tonight after everyone has gone to bed. Once it gets nicer outside I'd like to take walks with my little boy too.
I want some hot tea right now, but I always drown it in sugar so I know that's not a good option. I'm making the effort to drink more water but I don't really enjoy drinking it unless I'm thuirsty.
Until next time.
Monday, January 11, 2010
My newborn is four months old
Jamison Lee was born on September 15, 2009. He is my first born son and he is, hands down, the love of my life next to my wonderful boyfriend Matthew. Though I love him to death and I'd do it all again in a hearbeat, the damage done to my body from carrying my little man for 40 weeks is tremendous. Though I truly appreciate the miracle that is pregnancy, and I respect how strong my body is, I don't love the extra fat, the extra skin, the stretch marks and the decreased muscle tone.
I stand at a proud 5' 8" tall. I look the healthiest and feel my best at 145. At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 205 pounds. Jamison weighed 9 pounds, 9 ounces at birth. I weighed 180 pounds at the 6 week post-partum check up. Today, my son is nearly four months old and the old, not-very-accurate scale in the bathroom mocks me with 193.
Needless to say, I have made the conscious decision to lose the weight I put on during my pregnancy. So, to have something to be accountable to, I have started this blog. My aim is to put in writing all my struggles and triumphs on this journey. I don't really believe anyone will follow me closely and I don't mind if I never have even one subscriber. I'm just using this site as a forum where I can be completely honest. So here I go:
My number one set-back is my laziness. Pure and simple. I make promises to myself and I break them. I look for excuses why I can't get around to exercising. I don't take the initiative all the time and I have difficulty getting started. But I really want this time to be different. So I downloaded the Lose It! app to my iPod touch and I've been listing everything that goes into my mouth. I flubbed yesterday though. I altered my intake so that it said I was within my caloric intake for that day (around 1600 calories). I have a problem with failure but I need to let that fear go.
Today I've been much better. I had Subway for lunch, with Sunchips and a diet Coke. I usually get ranch on my sandwich but today I did vinegar instead.
For dinner I'm having a big bowl of iceberg lettuce with Newman's Own Italian dressing, half a ham and salami sandwich with stone ground mustard and chipotle tabasco on 100% whole grain bread and a medium gala apple.
I did 20 minutes of aerobics and pilates today. My iPod says I'm 650 calories under my limit!
I'm glad I have that cushion because I sometimes get hungry around 11 or midnight.
More to come!
I stand at a proud 5' 8" tall. I look the healthiest and feel my best at 145. At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 205 pounds. Jamison weighed 9 pounds, 9 ounces at birth. I weighed 180 pounds at the 6 week post-partum check up. Today, my son is nearly four months old and the old, not-very-accurate scale in the bathroom mocks me with 193.
Needless to say, I have made the conscious decision to lose the weight I put on during my pregnancy. So, to have something to be accountable to, I have started this blog. My aim is to put in writing all my struggles and triumphs on this journey. I don't really believe anyone will follow me closely and I don't mind if I never have even one subscriber. I'm just using this site as a forum where I can be completely honest. So here I go:
My number one set-back is my laziness. Pure and simple. I make promises to myself and I break them. I look for excuses why I can't get around to exercising. I don't take the initiative all the time and I have difficulty getting started. But I really want this time to be different. So I downloaded the Lose It! app to my iPod touch and I've been listing everything that goes into my mouth. I flubbed yesterday though. I altered my intake so that it said I was within my caloric intake for that day (around 1600 calories). I have a problem with failure but I need to let that fear go.
Today I've been much better. I had Subway for lunch, with Sunchips and a diet Coke. I usually get ranch on my sandwich but today I did vinegar instead.
For dinner I'm having a big bowl of iceberg lettuce with Newman's Own Italian dressing, half a ham and salami sandwich with stone ground mustard and chipotle tabasco on 100% whole grain bread and a medium gala apple.
I did 20 minutes of aerobics and pilates today. My iPod says I'm 650 calories under my limit!
I'm glad I have that cushion because I sometimes get hungry around 11 or midnight.
More to come!
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